Kids spot a dog and their hands are out before their feet stop.
Knowing how to ask to pet a dog is the one habit that keeps those hellos happy, for the kid and for the dog.
Asking isn't just good manners. The owner knows things your child can't see. The dog might be nervous, sore, in training, or just not in the mood today.
Asking first is rule 1 of 5. For the full picture, read our guide: How to Teach Kids to Be Kind to Dogs.
What should kids say?
Keep it short enough to remember in an excited moment:
Stop a few steps away. Feet still, hands down.
Ask the owner: "Hi! Can I pet your dog?"
Wait for the answer. No reaching while they wait.
Say the words out loud at home a few times and they'll come out on their own.
What if the answer is no?
This is the part most kids need practice with. Teach them that "no" is a normal answer, not a mean one. The whole response is "Okay, thank you!" and walk on.
Praise the asking, not the petting. "You asked so nicely" works whether the answer was yes or no.
Dog Safety Hand
The five dog safety rules, one for each finger. Ask first is rule 1.
What if the answer is yes?
Now the dog gets a say too. Let the dog come to your child, then offer a hand to sniff before any petting. Those are rules 2 and 3 of the five dog safety rules: ask first, let them come, offer your hand, gentle touch, give them space. (Here are all five, explained.)
If the dog doesn't come over, that's the dog's no. Same answer: okay, and walk on.
What if there's no one to ask?
Then the answer is no. Teach kids to leave these dogs alone:
A dog alone in a yard or a car
A dog tied up outside a store
A dog with no owner nearby
A dog in a working vest. It's on the job, so no petting and no calling to it.
If a loose dog heads toward your child, that's a different situation. Here's what to do if a dog runs up to your child.
Spot the yellow
A yellow collar or leash that says ASK FIRST or GIVE ME SPACE is the owner asking for extra room. Kids love spotting it, and it's a good reminder that every dog is different.
Practice at home: the Ask First game
Grab a stuffed dog. A grown-up plays the owner. Your child walks up, stops and asks. Mix up the answers: sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes "Not today, she's tired." The goal is a happy "Okay, thank you!" every single time.
A few rounds before a trip to the park, and asking stops being a rule and starts being a habit.
Every time your child asks first, they're telling a dog that its comfort matters. That's kindness, one hello at a time.
Want a simple place to start?
The FREE Dog Safety Activity Pack is a printable guide, checklist and reward chart for kids ages 6–10. Get the free download
Teaching Kids to Be Kind to Dogs is a coloring book built around kindness and respect for dogs, so kids can practice asking first one page at a time. Get it on Amazon
Part of the Be Kind series by DiChiara Designs.